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Friday, 16 December 2016 07:54

What kind of shy am I?

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Shyness doesn’t come in ‘kinds.’ It can however, be placed on a continuum. On one end of the continuum you would have a person who is painfully shy in all situations. At the other end of the continuum you would have someone who is moderately shy in social situations. They don’t like socializing but they do it anyways. They don’t let it control their lives.

Shyness is merely a lack of social skills, which in turn creates tension i.e. stress in the individual.

You describe yourself coming alive when the spotlight is on you i.e. participating in group discussions where you describe yourself as ‘that talkative guy.’ Having never met you and likely never to, I would have to ask you ‘are you thinking that this is better than being the ‘quiet guy?’

Being talkative isn’t necessarily a good thing. To me, it would seem more beneficial to speak when you have something to say. Speak when you can add value to a discussion.

Being talkative can be indicative of being nervous. It can be safe, for some people when speaking in a group. There isn’t as much attention put on you as there might be when you are conversing in a 1 to 1 situation.

If the above paragraph doesn’t apply to you i.e. you don’t experience shyness when speaking in a group, or nervousness, well then good for you! The trick would then be to leverage the skills that you use in group discussions and practice them in 1 to 1 conversations. The difference will be that here you will have to listen twice as much as you speak.

Conversation is a two-way process. You have to listen to the other person, process what they say and then respond back to them. Being overly talkative isn’t likely to endear yourself on others.

Thanks for your question.

Question originally answered on Quora.com

Read 329 times Last modified on Thursday, 16 August 2018 09:10
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